party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
