Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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