508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
