i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
