8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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