do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
