I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
