The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
