oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
