Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
