looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
