can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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