plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
