Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
What a dumb baby whore.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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