I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
