Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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