i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
