My hand turned me down
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
