Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
