as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
