Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
