I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i believe in u and ur pee
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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