Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
