How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All I want is dick and wine.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
