There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
