tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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