The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This is classic penis vs brain.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
