I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
