She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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