i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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