If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
