I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
