OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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