Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
