I think im going to throw up on grandma
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize
