i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
