we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
