Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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