I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
