is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
