it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
