well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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