Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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