Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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