Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
