i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
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I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
