if you like me you must not know who I am
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
