All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
