I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
