i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
