I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
