I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You've changed since you got that strap on
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
